the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
