i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
