FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
