So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
