you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
