yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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