I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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