btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
