I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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