i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
