I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
