I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
