I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
