hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
