I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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