He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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