in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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