my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
