Moan for me like Helen Keller
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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