I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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