I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
