I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
