wat bout pragnant strippers??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
