Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
