What a fucking waste of an outfit
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
