perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
