Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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