you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
