he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
