drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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