can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
