woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
