but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just threw up on my dentist
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
