Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
