im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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