the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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