You don't have asthma, your pregnant
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
