I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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