You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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