I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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