you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
