did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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