She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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