I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
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I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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