Your face is a jimmy john
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
