Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
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you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
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i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
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Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.