my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.