Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.