You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
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Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.