3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?