anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?