my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.