Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
