hotel room ftw
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
