in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
