Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
