Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
