That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
