you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
