Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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