I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the night ended with taco bell and tears
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
