He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
