Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
