My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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