I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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