chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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