Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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