Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we're so committed to being not committed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
