Got a toothbrush?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
