I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
