I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
