I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
