brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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